Being in a neonatal unit with your child can be tough.
You’re in an uncertain situation, often with many unanswered questions.
As parents, it’s rare to have time to prepare before you’re in the thick of it.
Reactions
The first few days in the neonatal unit can be especially intense for you as a father.
Despite how amazing it is becoming a new dad, it’s also incredibly stressful, and feelings of helplessness and frustration, not to mention lack of sleep, can take over.
Talk to your partner about it.
Feel free to share your thoughts with the staff.
They have experience and are familiar with the reactions and challenges you’re currently facing as a new father.
Chat with others, be it family, your network or other dads on the ward.
Your presence and involvement are invaluable to your child, your partner and yourself.
Did you know that…
- the length of a stay in neonatal care can vary greatly, but you can expect to be attached to the neonatal unit until your baby’s due date (weeks 37–42).
- most parents will not have experienced similar situations, and you can feel a mix of emotions including hope, fear, joy and gratitude.
- as a dad, there’s no guarantee the hospital can offer you accommodation with your child overnight.
This varies from hospital to hospital.
Discuss your overnight options with the neonatal unit.
Understanding your new role as a father
After a premature birth, many dads feel a double pressure of supporting their partner and newborn in a fragile situation.
The neonatal unit is a high-pressure environment, filled with equipment, alarms and many different healthcare professionals.
The child’s immaturity and need for medical and technological assistance can test the early days of fatherhood.
Although your baby can’t express it, he or she needs you just as much as they need their mum.
They need to hear your voice and feel you close by.
Have skin-to-skin contact with you.
It can be challenging, as your baby will often be attached to a variety of equipment.
This can make things tricky, but don’t let it limit you.
Ask for help so you can hold your child.
You’re not being a nuisance.
Having that skin-to-skin contact is a great way for you to care for your child, and many dads find it benefits both them and their baby.
Through feeding, nappy changes, chatting and gentle touch, you can also care for and connect with your little one.
Family and network
Being in hospital as a family demands focus on building a structure and connection between you as parents and the child.
Try to bring some normalcy by enjoying meals together, personalising the hospital setting and welcoming family and friends when you have time and energy for it.
Set up routines that provide security and structure, and ensure you include activities that help you to recharge, such as reading, going for a run or playing a game.
Taking small breaks, asking for help and involving your network can make a huge difference and strengthen your family as a community, both during the hospital stay and once you’re back home.
Tips for you during your hospital stay
- Feel free to communicate your wishes and needs with nurses and doctors in the unit.
They are often a crucial support during your time here
- Nominate a family contact person, so you only need to communicate with one person who can then pass on messages to the whole family and your network.
- Talk to other dads who have had similar experiences, and exchange insights on fatherhood within your network.
- Consider discussing the parental leave rules with a social worker to find out more about your rights and options as a father during your child’s stay in the hospital.
- Think about whether you would benefit from talking to a psychologist and/or joining a peer support group for dads.
Doing so might help you process your experiences and support your role as a father. - There are also chaplains at the hospital who you can talk to if you’d like.
Also listen to
Link to the podcast episode: Feelings in times of turmoil
The texts for ‘Dads of premature babies’
were created collaboratively by first-time dads of premature babies, doctors, nurses from neonatal units, public health nurses, and the Child, Maternal and Family Health Care research group in The SUPPORTED study project, which aims to foster a more father-inclusive culture in a family-centred context within the healthcare system.
